Musings of a Facebook Whore

*Fight the Addiction*

Though I hate to admit it, there was a time last year that I spent a brief interim as Facebook (Fb) whore (an individual who uses Fb to an excessive degree). After a brief stint in Fb rehab I got things back in control. However, all that whoring led to a few interesting observations which I compiled in a little post I like to call...

Musings of a Facebook Whore:

1) Everyone used to post status updates... until people started making fun of the types of status updates that people posted and everybody quit posting statuses.

**This means that my newsfeed is now a lot less entertaining.**

2) But… Sometimes people still post really gay statuses, so let’s make fun of them anyway:

a) Mundane Factoids: It’s ok to keep people updated, but we don’t need to know everything.

Going to the grocery store? No one cares.

b) The Overshare: Is posting relationship drama or advertising emotional problems on Fb a cry for help or just a cry for attention?

...Either way, it makes me uncomfortable and it makes you look pathetic...

c) Passive Aggressive Messages: Usually to an ex who is still your Fb friend about how great life is now that you're single. Sorry, you're not fooling anyone- we all saw that other status about how much you were in love last week...

**side note: Fb is not the place for relationship revenge- If you're doing any of these things, please consult the following:

...Enough about statuses. Moving on with more musings on Fb...

3) If you’re still flashing the backwards peace sign in your profile pic- you’re probably a douche... Or an Asian tourist, in which case, it’s ok.

4) Every girl’s favorite photo face (including mine): The pursed lips… Why do we do this?

5) Fb Games: They exist… and they’re kinda gay

a) Posting the color of your bra to support breast cancer awareness: less about supporting breast cancer and more about telling boys what kind of underwear you were wearing.

“Black lace with pink bows and matching panties.” ... sounds hot!

b) Dopplegangers: Not so much celebrity look alike as it was wishful thinking.

c) Posting the UrbanDictionary.com definition of your name: I actually think this one would have been a little more fun if people had posted funny definitions instead of picking ones that were favorable...

**see what I mean?**

6) Why do some girls have albums full of pictures... of themself? These are inevitably titled things like “Just Me” or “Just Amy” and are full of angled shots taken by oneself...

**Isn't that what profile pics are for? C'mon girls, quit trying so hard.**

7) Just forget the About Me section of the info box. I’m convinced that there is nothing you can write about yourself without sounding like a tool.

8) Relationship Statuses: It’s not official unless it’s Fb official.

-Change your status from “single” to “in a relationship” and you’ll get a lot of Likes
-Change your status from “in a relationship” to “single” and you’ll still get a lot of Likes

*Just set your account to not send notifications when you change your relationship status*

9) Pokes… I still don’t get it.

10) Fb Creeping: We’ve all done it… but sometimes it gets out of control

a) Innocent- Checking out your crush's pics or reading their “about me” section (told ya, it’s impossible to not sound like a tool)

VS.

b) Not Ok- Looking up your new fling's exes or getting jealous over a boyfriend or girlfriend's Fb activity, wall comments, friend adds, etc.

11) What's with the PDA's? Just tell your lover you love them in person.

12) Awkward Friend Adds: To accept or to deny? That is the question.

a) High School Aquaintances: I didn't even talk to you in high school... but we have a lot of mutual friends... ummm?

b) Perves: Older men whose profile pics resemble mug shots and inevitably send creepy messages along with the friend request...

"You look really cute, I'd like to get to know you." ... ew, Fb is NOT Match.com!

c) Anomalies: No mutual friends and not even from the same country? What the?...

For example:

**Big black girl from Philly, no mutual friends: At least if it was a guy I could assume he was a perve...

or

**This guy- Sükrü Cenngiz from Istanbul, Turkey (an actual friend request), clearly a perve....

Fb Whoring. My days of addiction are over, but like it or not Facebook has become a part of daily life. Just remember that Fb is for networking, keeping in touch with friends, and fun. Keep your Fb use in control and don't forget, the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem.

**For more more musings on the pains of Fb subculture please consult: