An anniversary. What is it really?
Just another day... a day that really only has meaning if you allow it.
Today has meaning to me.
Today, this day, I feel that same familiar tightness creeping up in my chest. I feel the tears trying to surface as I suppress the memories of that night. I feel myself pushing past those unfamiliar men standing outside my home, the police pulling me back. I remember how desperately I fought to go inside. I wanted to lie down in my bed, to forget those flashing blue and red lights, the neighbors lined along the street watching us like some sort of freak show, and the tears shining on my younger brothers and sisters’ faces. The words of that officer still echo in my mind, his arms wrapped around my chest as I struggled to break free. "He's still inside, you can't go inside." I feel sick, but I stop struggling... 9 years.
I know today only has meaning if I allow it.
But, regardless today is hard. Today I feel weak.
...And so...
Today I am giving myself one hour to remember. One hour to cry. One hour to honor my dad. This will not be an hour to dwell on the bad, but an hour to remember the good.
But, regardless today is hard. Today I feel weak.
...And so...
Today I am giving myself one hour to remember. One hour to cry. One hour to honor my dad. This will not be an hour to dwell on the bad, but an hour to remember the good.
.One Hour.
...A few memories that I will share...
Butterfly and Eskimo kisses.
Daddy Daughter Dates.
Going to work with him... He was a locksmith so his shop had a wall lined with all of these keys hanging on a peg board. I used to stand in front of that board looking at them all as he worked. When we left for home he'd always let me take one of the skeleton keys. I'd put it on a chain... These are still my favorite necklaces.
Backyard races.
Asking questions to 'the man that knew everything.'
The Iliad and the Odyssey... I still need to finish reading this.
John Wayne: His hero and the memory of many nights spent curled up watching old cowboy movies that I was never really in to, but that I sat through so that my 4 year old self could snuggle up to him and fall asleep to the sound of his rhythmic breathing, my head on his chest.
Report card days.
'The wiggle.'
He whispered in my ear at night as I slept that I was smart, that I could do anything I wanted, and that if being a doctor was what I wanted to do, then I would do it... I was six. I'm now in medical school.
Throwing me in the air and catching me.
Teaching me to dance, American Bandstand style.
.One Hour.
No more tears, but many more memories.
I love you. I miss you. I'm thinking of you.
An Anniversary. What is it really?
Just another Day.
Butterfly and Eskimo kisses.
Daddy Daughter Dates.
Going to work with him... He was a locksmith so his shop had a wall lined with all of these keys hanging on a peg board. I used to stand in front of that board looking at them all as he worked. When we left for home he'd always let me take one of the skeleton keys. I'd put it on a chain... These are still my favorite necklaces.
Backyard races.
Asking questions to 'the man that knew everything.'
The Iliad and the Odyssey... I still need to finish reading this.
John Wayne: His hero and the memory of many nights spent curled up watching old cowboy movies that I was never really in to, but that I sat through so that my 4 year old self could snuggle up to him and fall asleep to the sound of his rhythmic breathing, my head on his chest.
Report card days.
'The wiggle.'
He whispered in my ear at night as I slept that I was smart, that I could do anything I wanted, and that if being a doctor was what I wanted to do, then I would do it... I was six. I'm now in medical school.
Throwing me in the air and catching me.
Teaching me to dance, American Bandstand style.
.One Hour.
No more tears, but many more memories.
I love you. I miss you. I'm thinking of you.
An Anniversary. What is it really?
Just another Day.
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