Sweet, Sweet Acceptance...

The Kubler-Ross Model aka The Five Stages of Grief was first introduced by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying (1969).

If there is anything I've learned through my meanderings on perspective and the experiences of others, it is that there is a definite pattern of human emotion. That pattern allows us to relate to one another at a deeper level of understanding even when our situations might not be similar at face-value.

...But...
The purpose of this post is not to muse on this pattern per se... Instead it's to document my own experience with the five stages of grief regarding the death of:

...MY SOCIAL LIFE...
-gasp!-

1. Denial: Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual.
*Studying is socializing right?*
-No, no it's not-

2. Anger: Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment.
*School is ruining my dating/social life, making me fat, and is the reason I can't afford the new Coach bag.*

-god, it's beautiful :( -

3. Bargaining: The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death.
*This was manifested by my excessive party behavior, obsession with finding friends outside of school, building of unhealthy relationships with inappropriate male suitors, and constant need for social adventure.*
-hammer time-

4. Depression: During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time grieving.
*Note the social withdrawal I employed last term, the excessive amount of time I devoted to endorphin therapy at the gym, and the apathy I had for studying culminating in my first ever fail (ew, the thought of which still stings a little).*

-tear :'( -

...and finally...

5. Acceptance: In this last stage, the individual begins to come to terms with his mortality or that of his loved one.
*It's happened. I've finally accepted the death of my social life.*
- Facebook: the medical student's social life supplement of choice-

Sure, I've accepted the death of my social life, but before you go thinking this is a bad thing. Let's investigate:

You see, it turns out my social life isn't as dead as I previously thought... In fact, I've realized I've had one all along with my friends at school, my family, my local friends outside the city, and even my infrequent as of late (mis)adventures in dating. I was just too stubborn to invest in these outlets because they were not the avenue of escape and separation from school that I was so desperately lashing out for during said 5-stage cycle of grief.

...But let's face it...

Whether I like it or not, medical school is my life and will be for the next 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7+ years. There's no use trying to fight it and here's the kicker. After all my fighting, my constant urge to break away from this thing that I thought was consuming my life, I've come to realize that... I kind of like it. You see, today I found myself picturing what I would be doing if I wasn't here and while it's easy to think I'd be living it up in one constant fun frenzy, in all likelihood I'd be living a life much like this one... Except instead of studying I'd be working a job, a job that is way less suited to my tastes, and way less satisfying to me than the career I'll eventually have doing something I am genuinely passionate about aka medicine.

...And so...
...It turns out I've been spinning my wheels all year fighting a losing and unnecessary battle...

I guess that death (at least in this case) isn't so bad after all.