Fixer Uppers

Boys. I kinda like 'em. And while I'm by no means an expert at dating, I have learned a few lessons over the last year worth writing about.

You see, in the last year I fear that I've broken a couple of hearts or at least caused a few cases of mild angina (*sorry boys, it was not intentional*). Likewise I've had my own mini heart-break this year as well. But this post isn't to whine about heart-break, it's to write about the lil pattern I noticed through these recent endeavors in dating...

That being, in each scenario/dating misfire either myself or the guy I was dating was what I like to call a... Fixer Upper.

Not following?
Let me explain...

With boy #1 I was just coming out of a serious long-term relationship. A relationship that was in all reality still being drug out by phone calls, emails, and intermittent hang-outs. This was not the premise to start something new and I told boy #1 that, but we still continued to hang out as friends. Things were great, we got really close, and had a lot of fun until an 'end all kiss' that caught me by surprise and made it clear that our relationship had a very different meaning for him than it did for me. Cut to now and that's one friendship that's more or less gone by the wayside.

Now for my own dose of rejection with boy #2. This boy caught me by surprise. He was smart, philosophical, and could talk (grr...), so I let it slide that I met him at a Halloween party in which he'd been attracted to me whilst wearing a none-too-conservative costume making me doubt the kind of girl he thought I was. I also overlooked the fact that he was a bit of a party boy and frequently wore the issued uniform of the tool army:

...MEK denim for men...

Anyway, I gave this guy way more credit than he deserved. In the end he kind of snubbed me after a few ups and downs in which I initially told him I was done, he convinced me to give him a second chance, and then pulled the old turn-around reverse dump. *This was of course after the passive aggressive stab at me he made via Fb status. Classic* But alas, though this break-up merited but a moment's pause, I spent the next half of the semester feeling retarded and more or less rejected every time I saw him on campus.

And finally, boy #3. Oh, boy #3. This guy is literally one of the greatest guys I've met. Smart, funny, handsome, encouraging, everything a girl could ask for. In the last couple months of the semester we got really close. He was there for me during one of the most stressful times of my life while I was applying to med school and confronting some issues from my past and he was nothing but supportive. Seriously the kind of supportive that transforms your bad days into good days and that finds a way to make you laugh when you really just feel like crying. Even as I type these words I get this frantic feeling that I might have let 'one of the good ones' slip through my fingers, but regardless, you can't force attraction, it just wasn't there for me, and I really wasn't in the place to start anything anyway. Sadly even seemingly perfect boy #3 is now just a chapter in my dating chronicles.

*So, back to my original point.*

The common factor between the demise of my relationships with boys #1, 2, and 3 is simple. In each case a Fixer Upper was involved.

With boy #1 I was the fixer upper on the rebound and not ready to start anything new. With boy #2, it was more or less the same problem only this time it was him that needed fixing in his own apathetic state and Neitzsche fueled angst. And with boy #3, once again it was my own outside issues and need of an emotional tune-up that prevented sparks from flying.

Now, you might be thinking the moral of this story is:

Don't Date a Fixer Upper

...But, actually I don't agree...

You see, while my recent tirades in dating didn't lead to anything bigger, they taught me a lot. In fact, I think I'd be a lot worse off right now if not for boys 1-3. Boys #1 and 3 taught me a lot about what I want in a guy and what I deserve in a relationship. And while admittedly not as healthy, even my relationship and fall-out with boy #2 taught me a lot in regard to what I don't want in a boy and improvements that I myself need to make in communication and conflict resolution.

So, I guess the real moral of the story is...

If you're looking for something serious or to settle down then a Fixer Upper probably is not what you're looking for. But if you're just into casual dating, having a good time, and learning more about yourself, then by all means hook it up.

Just do it with the knowledge that if you insist on being the one to 'fix' up a Fixer Upper you'll be doing for the next guy or girl, because anyone in need of fixing is going to be too into their own problems to be into you. That's right whether you're dating someone on the rebound, a party boy that expresses dissatisfaction and apathy for life, or a girl in the middle of a stress bomb, I'm afraid odds are that it's not going anywhere. But don't let that stop you...Let yourself be fixed and why not try doing a little fixing?

In the very least...
It's good dating Karma.